Ted (merovingian) wrote,
Ted
merovingian

Multitools

I was shopping for a multitool. You know, for my multineeds.

There's some impressive ones these days! It's not just knives, scissors and pliers anymore. Some of the ones I saw had RAM memory, thermometers, safety-sheathed Exacto blades, surveillance equipment, platinum and diamond Hello Kitty dolls, roller skates, tiny but accurate triple-beam balancers, handheld Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation devices, shuriken, toothbrushes, self-soaping bubble blowers, lockpicks, lie detectors, metal detectors, stud detectors, levels, tire pressure gauges, slide rules, hypodermic needles, rebreathers, GPS locators, tattoo needles, tire pressure gauges, geiger counters, zebras, post-hole diggers, pepper spray, egg whisks, telescopes, microscopes, oscilloscopes and icicles.

Of course, all of them had awl punches and none of them had hex wrenches, but I believe that's legally required.

The one I bought had a tiny voice-enabled Moral Gauge. The reviews I saw said it was an indispensible tool for moral philosophy, but whenever I try to use mine, it just repeats one phrase over and over.

"No lunch is free until all lunches are free!"

What does that mean?
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