Ted (merovingian) wrote,
Ted
merovingian

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I'm an alligator. I'm a momma-poppa comin' for you.

So, for the past 40 hours or so, I've been stranded. I'm stuck in an unexpected gravity deadpoint outside Neptune's orbit - being pulled in different directions with equal force, so I'm just staying in place. I've been camped out with a magical talking comet and a tiny green man in a tiny green flying saucer. We've been singing campfire songs and wasting the time with some Tang and freeze-dried ice cream.

Last night (and I use the term very loosely) we were roasting freeze-dried ice cream over the fire thoughtfully, and the magical talking comet turned to me and spoke.

"I've been thinking about humans. What I know about you guys is based on the radio broadcasts that get out this far, which seems to be mostly the best and worst of your news, so I know what I'm about to say is biased, but I want to say it anyway. You humans are basically good creatures, who are capable of doing some very evil things."

In this kind of situation, it's rude to respond without looking thoughtful for a minute or two, so I stared into the fire for a while before I spoke.

"You know, I think about what I learned in science class. The main thing we learned in science classes, over and over, is this: if you get something in your eye, you'll feel an overpowering instictive urge to rub your eye, but this is the worst, most self-destructive thing you could possibly do. Instead, run to the shower and spray water in your eye. Based on that, I can only conclude one thing. We humans are basically stupid creatures, who are capable of doing some very clever things."

We all stared at the fire for a few minutes, and then the little green man spoke.

"I am thinking about humans, too, now. You're the first human I've met, but, based on my observeations, I have a conclusion. You humans are twangly creatures, who are capable of doing some very zwooky things."

"Uh, what does that mean?" I asked.

"I don't know," said the little green man, "I just didn't want to be left out of the conversation."

Stupid green man! He's been bugging me like this the whole time!
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