Ted (merovingian) wrote,

Underground Names

A friend of mine in Washington DC told me about a local scandal that isn't making the news. His uncle is with the city planning commission.

There's a species of squat, red, hairy creatures living in the tunnels, shambling about hungrily. The city is keeping their secret, and paying them a sizeable amount of cash. In exchange, these creatures give their pets very awkward names.

"For every good pet name, there has to be a bad one," my friend explained, "These creatures name their cats 'Sixteen Pints of Liquid Nitrogen' or 'Purple Nixon' and they name their dogs 'Ugly Feet' or 'Fffffffft Extra-Juggling' so that we don't have to. If every pet had a good name, they'd all feel average."

"But no one knows about these secret pets!" I protested.

It's a scam, I tell you. But at least my pet has a good name.
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