"We would have read you your rights, but this online test shows that you've got Borderline, Schizoid and Histrionic Personality Disorder, so you're not even vaguely fit to understand it. Also, we've found documents claiming that you believe yourself to be a tree, or perhaps a bird, or perhaps a popular song. You nutbar. Lastly, we've got documented tests showing that you're Chaotic Evil. We cannot take chances with you. And don't try to use your personal superpower - Time Control - to get out of this, Ted."
I asked them to take the tests, too. The judge threw out the case when it became clear that the police were Obsessive-Compulsive fox terriers.