Ted (merovingian) wrote,
Ted
merovingian

Pure Energy

So, I think I mentioned before that I've been researching alternative fuels. Fossil fuels are going to run out eventually, so we'd best find something renewable while the large but ever-decreasing supply of fossil fuel is still available to light up our monitors.

I went to the Alternative Fuels Expo. You wouldn't believe the ideas they had there.

Nomura's Jellyfish Power: The monstrous invertebrates are placed on treadmills. A carrot dangles in front of each. Chasing toward the carrot turns the treadmill, which moves a magnet through a copper coil.

Techno: The high-energy beats of fast-paced dance music is transmitted to hordes of enthusiastic youths, who are encouraged to do The Turbine, a proposed new dance craze. Unfortunately, it's kind of a sucky dance. Industrial-quality solutions are still in development.

Nucular Power: The nuculus of an atom is split. The resulting anger and frustration of scientists, editors and English teachers is enough to power a city. This anger is clean and renewable.

Sympathetic Magic: A huge turbine is decorated to look like a 19th century Republican president. A small wicker eiffigy is set on fire, heating water in the larger turbine sympathetically.

Consensus: An appointed committee of very popular people agrees on a perpetual motion machine, which will of course operate due to the power of democracy. Denial-based solutions are also being researched by the same very well-funded think tank.

Solar Power: The glow from the Peripheral Essence of those Chosen by the Unconquerable Sun is hooked up to old-fashioned solar panels.

Time Travel: Actually, this was just a large cardboard box labelled "Time Travellers Please Put Batteries Here." There was a single nine-volt at the bottom, but I think the presenter put it there.

Fiction: Talented writers were encouraged to write stories about "silverflame," a special kind of fire with the unique ability to break out of fiction and be usable as fuel in real life.

Did I miss anything?
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