Ted (merovingian) wrote,
Ted
merovingian

A lack of charisma can still be fatal.

I don't remember what happened last night. I was hanging out at a party, and the last thing I remember was a sharp shock at the back of my neck.

I woke up in a hotel room lying in a bath of ice with a missing kidney and a stomach full of pop rocks, and on the mirror, written in lipstick, it said,

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

Tips for Future Occasions

1. Sometimes the best way to impress people
is by shutting up and listening, rather than
saying anything cool or clever.

2. Keep alert about people around you. Judge
peoples' reactions to you - if they seem
hurt or annoyed, try to figure out why.

3. You have the ability to put people into
situations where it would be awkward to say
no to you. Don't do this. They may still
say no, and they won't let you do it again.

4. Manipulating people is easy. Avoiding
manipulation takes skill, care, and love.

5. If you're feeling like your behavior is
spiralling out of control, take a walk and
calm down.

6. If your story is long, try the Cliff's
Notes.

7. It's okay to be mad, or bored, or sad,
or scared. It's not okay to be rude.

You Have Only One Kidney Left - Be Careful!

-x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x- -x-

What a huge mirror!

I hate being preached at, so I cleaned up the mirror, closed the drain, dropped a heating element into the bath, plus some tasty ingredients, and made kidney bean soup.

Yum.
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