Ted (merovingian) wrote,
Ted
merovingian

Review: Hip Downtown Restaurants I've Visited in the Past Week

Is It Sapient?
Alien cuisine. Quality: 4 stars, Moral Uncertainty: 3 1/2 Kierkegaards, Atmosphere: Highly alkaline, protective equipment required.

Java Street Cafe
Had a Java Cafe Burger, which is named after the cafe, which is named after the street, which is named after the language, which is named after the coffee, which is named after the island. Too many levels of inheritance. Quality: 3 stars, Moral Uncertainty: 1 Kierkegaard, Atmosphere: Platform independent.

MRE R Us
Military food. Keeps for a long time, and fairly tasty. I especially recommend the chipped beef with au gratin potatoes. Quality: 2 1/2 stars, Moral Uncertainty: 3 Kierkegaards, Atmosphere: Ready to eat.

Exotic Meats
Exotic meat restaurants are growing fashionable, but this one takes it a little further. All the meats are from folklore, from the stately unicorn filet to the hearty jackalope broth. Don't miss the Lemurian Stir-Fry. Quality: 4 stars, Moral Uncertainty: 5 Kierkegaards, Atmosphere: Platform-independent.

Just Like Home
Takes a home-like feeling to its natural conclusion. You bring in the food from the grocery store, you cook it yourself, and you eat it in front of a television. I'm not sure exactly what I was paying for, but you have to give them credit for accuracy. Quality: 1 star, Moral Uncertainty: 1 Kierkegaard, Atmosphere: Homy.

Noodles as Text!
Approaches food from a literary deconstruction angle. You are eating the noodles, but what are the noodles, really? Do the sauces exist without a cultural context? Quality: 1 star, Moral Uncertainty: 5 Kierkegaards, Atmosphere: Arbitrary and socially constructed.

Devolution
Loud-blasting music and seven-foot-tall mutants provide the atmosphere for this trendy, post-apocalypse cafe. Food is not served - you must take it by force. Crowd mostly seemed young, bandit-like. Quality: 2 stars, Moral Uncertainty: 4 Kierkegaards, Atmosphere: Dark and rough, with lots of spiky cars.
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