Ted (merovingian) wrote,
Ted
merovingian

The Science

So, last night, I was out to dinner at this fancy Italian restaurant, and halfway through dinner, this guy arrived in a hubbub. He didn't seem especially interesting, but the staff were fawning over him, to the exclusion of other customers. Miffing took place.

So I asked the waiter, and he explained that this guy was a guru.

After a little while, this guru finally relented to the gathered assembly, and performed a miracle. It was total chicanery. The trick, when you looked at it, had religious overtones, but if you took just the "magic" part of it, and boiled it down, it was analogous to a cheap card trick.

I'll spare the details of it.

People seemed really impressed, but I was getting irritated and hungry, so I marched up to the guy, and boldly challenged him with a question:

"Why is it that antiauthoritarians are always the pushiest people around?"

He answered, and, satisfied, I nodded and walked away, pleased that he'd given me such an apt answer. The crowd seemed delighted that an unbeliever had been satisfied by the guru's truth.

Forty-five minutes later, I still didn't have my food, and I was getting irked as anything. So when the guru got up to use the bathroom, I stole his document case, and ducked out of the place without paying. I'm not sure what I would've paid for, anyway. I mean, if you leave before you get your entree, is it appropriate to pay for your water and bread sticks?

Anyway, the document case. Spent the night looking through it.

For the most part, it was religious works, and I was surprised by the sincerity of it all. This guru guy deeply believed that he was helping people, and that his guiding light could get people into a superior life. In his journal, he talked about the card trick thing. He seemed vaguely aware that he was being deceptive, but seemed mostly to feel that it was a necessary way to show the masses how miraculous his techniques were, though he felt that the real miracles of his technique were far deeper, just less flashy.

He also did a lot of credit card fraud, and, like, thousand dollar seminars and things. He felt the people got more than their money's worth, but felt bad he was so bad at the financial side of it.

So, I don't know. I mean, is he a cynical charlatan, or a sincere guru? Is it possible that there's no difference? Contrary to the wisdom of Gygax, is there no distinction between magic-user and thief?

I still don't know that, even after I found the next thing in his notes. The answer. It seemed like the only demonstrably amazing thing in the whole of the guru's show, and it was deliberately unimpressive.

The answer is a phrase, a response. When used in response to a question, the answer will always seem like a fit and apt message. Immediatewly afterward, those who heard the answer will forget what was said, and only remember that their question was answered properly.

The bastard guru had used it on me, right there in front of everyone, and nobody thought much of it at all.

But at least I got something out of it. This answer is handy stuff.

Q: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
A: **THE ANSWER**

Q: "Why are you late this morning?"
A: **THE ANSWER**

Q: "Okay. Your turn. What's the most embarassing thing that ever happened to you?"
A: **THE ANSWER**

I'd tell y'all what the answer is, but you'd just forget it right afterward. It might even crash your browser.
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