Ted (merovingian) wrote,
Ted
merovingian

Our Number One Ingredient Is Unacceptableness!

I was reading the July/August edition of Fictional Band Magazine this morning -- the print version, not the online version. The online version is good, too.

Fictional Band Magazine is the only music magazine devoted to the nonexistent pop scene. It contains reviews of faux albums, interviews with hypothetical bands, and spurious advertisements in the back. What impresses me most about F.B.M. is the staff's integrity; they truly practice what they preach. All the bands are fictional, and so are the writers, website, and, in fact, the whole magazine.


This issue, they interviewed Suburban Intelligentsia Trio, a nerdcore post-emo side project with strong vocal harmonies and a flip-hop edge. The link's down (or fake) at the moment, so I copied the text:

Sandy Courane (Interviewer): How would you describe your sound, Suburban Intelligentsia Trio?

Rodney Strong (Lead Vocals, Backup Bass, Occasional Synthesizers): A lot of times, we're called a nerdcore post-emo side project with strong vocal harmonies and a flip-hop edge. I find that kind of pigeon-holing offensive and ignorant.

Sandy Courane: Okay. How would you describe it, then?

Wesley Dodds (Bass, Backup Synthesizers, Occasional Vocals): There's a statistical method to get honest answers to sensitive questions that provides individual privacy, while still allowing broad statistical accuracy. The subject flips a coin secretly. If it's heads, the subject answers the desired sensitive question: "Do you embezzle at work?" "Have you had an affair?", "Do you crimethink?" But, if it's tails, the subject answers a safe question with 50/50 chances: "Does your phone number end in an odd digit?", "Were you born between January 1 and July 31?" The subject tells no one the coin result, but answers the question. A good statistician can pull the needed data from that, and, in theory, it's safe to give an answer. In practice, I think people will cheat anyway. If you say "yes," then people will suspect you, because you didn't deny it and now there's a fifty-fifty chance. Worse, if someone knows your birthday and telephone number, they might be able to violate that privacy. Also, you might lie anyway, just to hide the truth from yourself. Still, as a statisticaly exercise, it's comforting.

Sandy Courane: I don't understand how that answers the question, but okay. Who are your influences?

Patricia Eden (Harp, Silence): I once heard a theory about religious taboos. If a religious taboo seems impractical today, the theory posits, it probably existed to prevent the spread of disease. Don't eat that, because it spoils and makes you sick, and only have this kind of sex, because otherwise you'll spread something. When germ theory and pencillin came aorund, the traditions stayed. It makes me wonder about how belief systems adapt to new ideas. Jainism, which instructs people not to injure, abuse, oppress, enslave, insult, torment, torture, or kill any creature or living being, had to make serious reckoning when it was discovered that the human body kills micro-organisms every second. The Amish today take time to consider new technologies, and decide if they will benefit the community. Atheism, I suspect, might face the same problems - in the past 50 years, a part of the brain was discovered which creates deep religious feelings. Of course, it could be that the religion was misunderstood, or that it speaks to a deeper truth. How many religions today, do you think, account for the relatively new idea of life on other planets?

Sandy Courane: Has fame gone to your head?

I love that magazine. I always wonder why it doesn't sell very well.

Poll #156491 Fictional Band Magazine Auto-Interview!

Has fame gone to your head?

Please describe your band's sound

nerdcore
0(0.0%)
airy
1(4.0%)
harsh
1(4.0%)
funk revival
0(0.0%)
garage rock
0(0.0%)
cyberbilly
0(0.0%)
Big Beat
0(0.0%)
post-emo
1(4.0%)
fusion
0(0.0%)
with strong vocal harmonies
0(0.0%)
with a post-punk sensibility
1(4.0%)
with strong jazz-ambient influences
1(4.0%)
and a darkwave/EBM edge
0(0.0%)
and a flip-hop edge
0(0.0%)
and a unqiue flair informed by Swedish Death Metal
0(0.0%)

What musical instrument would you play?

Silence
8(32.0%)
Other
17(68.0%)

DO NOT NAME YOUR BAND IN THE TEXT BELOW

You did anyway, didn't you?

Yes
13(100.0%)

Which is more important to you: The Drake Equation, or the Death of Rock and Roll?

Can you provide the statistics formula described?

Yes...
5(20.0%)
No...
10(40.0%)
...I choose not to do so
5(20.0%)
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