Lessons from Frank Sinatra

New York, New York: If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.

Therefore, if there's a place you cannot make it, you cannot make it in New York.

Therefore, if you cannot survive in the vaccuum of space or the heart of a volcano, you cannot make it in New York.

Lesson to be learned from this: Everyone in New York City is a cyanobacterium. (EDIT: Or maybe a tardigrade.)

Flight From LiveJournal

I heard from someone that nobody is on LiveJournal anymore, because of Facebook and staring at photographs of badgers and whatnot. I remember talking with people about that on Ello when anybody bothered with Ello.

An ancient two headed serpent once told me that any time I had a belief, I should test it empirically, so I figured I'd start with a poll about this.

Have you been away from LiveJournal for more than a year? Please only answer this poll if you are not currently reading LiveJournal and haven't in a long time. If you are currently reading LiveJournal, spend at least one year away, and don't come back, before filling out this poll. Thanks!

Poll #2056330 On the Flight From LiveJournal

When was the last time you visited LiveJournal?

One to five years (recent expatriate)
Five to thirty years (long time gone)
Thirty-one to five hundred years (before the Internet)
Five hundred to ten thousand years (before the printing press)
Ten thousand to five billion years (before writing)

Okay, okay, I'm sure those of you reading this are going to insist on participating somehow. This is your spot to do so.

Look at me! I'm participating!

What would it take to convince you to come back to LiveJournal?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how far are you away from LiveJournal?

Mean: 4.58 Median: 4.5 Std. Dev 2.72
  • Current Music
    two-headed serpents


"I am tired of people not believing in me," he told me over some fresh cups of honey-mead, "so I got myself a mascot gig at one of those slightly cultish industrial psychology places. That's where the money's at. I'm moving out to New Jersey next week."

If you are in the area, please give a warm greeting to the Mythical Man-Month Moth-Man of Monmouth!

Are you a replican or a replican't?

"I feel like, you know, I'm not actually qualified for my job, and someday I'm going to get exposed and discovered," my friend told me over coffee today, "I know it's Impostor Syndrome, but it just gets to me."

"Sure, but that's objectively true," I replied, "You're a Doppelgänger."

"Yeah, but a real Doppelgänger would respond to that feeling by being sneakier and more devious, rather than experiencing further doubt. It's like the Doppelgänger saying goes: work more insidiously, not harder."

"Is it possible that, instead of a failure on your part, other Doppelgängers are undermining you with subtle cues, and you're internalizing that doubt because it's too perilous to confront their subtly rude behavior?"

"Oh, hey, that reminds me, I need to learn to cast micro-aggression without verbal components so I can crush their minds to powder a tiny comment at a time!" she replied, "That'll probably help with this latest thing too."

My friend is very dedicated to her job! And also to subverting and destroying her job! This may be paradoxical to you, but if so, maybe you're not a very good Doppelgänger.

No, YUzu.

I asked the chef "What's in the salad?"

She examined the salad a little "Yuzu and the rest doesn't matter because once you hear that a salad has yuzu in it, you're either the kind of person who will want it no matter what other fancy ingredients it contains, or you're the kind of person who won't want it no matter what other weird ingredients it contains."

Poll #2042869 Yuzu and Mmfrmdmnmn Salad

Please name another ingredient in the yuzu salad.

Would you eat this salad?

I am intentionally subverting the premise of this poll by choosing an option other than yes or no.
Also, why are these check boxes instead of radio buttons?

Real doppelgangers never get imposter syndrome

"There are two types of people in this world," he said, "People who will make me a sandwich, and reptoids in disguise."

I was mildly insulted. "Are you saying that anyone who doesn't make you a sandwich is a reptoid in disguise?"

"You said it, not me," he replied unhelpfully.

Just to mess with him, I'm going to ask a reptoid friend to make him a sandwich.

(no subject)

"Opinions are like onions," the farmer said.

"How so?"

"Well, they start with O and end with -nions," she replied, "And they are a thing that people cultivate and sometimes that make you cry."

"Okay, I guess that's technically accurate, but why are you telling me this?" I replied.

"I thought we were at a things-that-are-like-onions convention," she said, "and as a farmer, I thought I'd give my expert opinion."

Then another farmer walked up. "Opinions are like onions," she said, "Everyone has one and they all stink."

"Um, but that's not even technically accurate."

Then she handed each of us a rotting onion and proceeded around the convention distributing more of them.

Also it turns out we really were at a things-that-are-like-onions convention. I'm hoping they have gimlets at the cocktail bar.

Funtime Culinary Poll!

Poll #2033852 Chicago Hot Dogs

Is there only one way to make a Chicago-style hot dog?

There is only one way to make a Chicago-style hot dog.
There are many ways to make a Chicago-style hot dog. All but one of them are unforgiably incorrect.
It is acceptable to vary a Chicago-style hot dog, and even to use a vegetarian meat substitute, so long as you use celery salt, neon green relish, mustard, sport peppers, NOT KETCHUP, NOT PORK. Anything else is unforgivably incorrect.
I do not understand the context of this post, or I do not wish to contribute to this poll, but I feel that I should be able to participate in this poll anyway.
Something something something 1893 World's Fair.
This is too sacrosanct a topic. Even discussing the matter as if there were controversy is unforgivable.
I believe that it's okay to have a Chicago-style hot dog with pork franks and ketchup. I understand and accept that my interpretation is unforgivably incorrect, and volunteer myself for the penalties listed below.

What happens if you request or create an unforgivably incorrect hot dog and then falsely assert that it is a Chicago-style hot dog?

Any Chicagoan you know will shun you forever.
You will be kicked out of the store and forbidden to return to Chicago again.
Any Chicagoan you know will hunt you down and feed you to a Sarlacc.
The hungry ghost of Richard J. Daley will be roused into furious anger and haunt you to the ends of the Earth.
The hungry living-ghost of Richard M. Daley will be roused into furious anger and haunt you to the ends of the Earth, which is a thing that can happen.
Organized crime or sea monsters or something like that.
Again, I will insist on filling out this form, though I have no investment in this discussion. I insist that my non-contribution be accommodated with a poll response.
Other (please reply in text.)

Okay, assume you're being haunted by the hungry ghost of Richard J. Daley. What could you do to, you know, appease him? Or dispel him? Or, um, defeat him or something? I'm, um, asking for a friend or hypothetically something. Please answer quickly. Thanks.


(no subject)

So I was hanging out with a time traveler yesterday (well, "yesterday" -- you know how it is with those folks) and I mentioned the MIT 2005 Time Traveler Convention. And how they only ever needed to have one such convention, since all the time travelers could attend it.

She gave a good-natured laugh and said, "Actually, we already did that in 1893 in Chicago. Sorry."

"How did you avoid wrecking history?" I asked.

She looked a little guilty. "We kind of wrecked history. We weren't supposed to introduce commemorative coins, cream of wheat, cream of what, Pabst Blue Ribbon, pancake mix, Braille printers, electric third rails, zippers, squashed pennies, the Ferris Wheel, dishwashers, phosphorescent lamps, spraypainting, hula dancing, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, switchboards, night football, modern Viking ships, the Parliament of World Religions, or the solar antelope spawnpoint, but we were clumsy with time travel and it kinda happened anyway."

"What about the waffle cone?" I added.

"That was the 1904 World Expo, actually, when we came back to clean up the solar antelope spawnpoint."

"So, what was the future going to be like before we got all that stuff by accident from the Chicago World's Fair?"

She punched me in the arm gently and laughed again. Okay, okay, fair enough.