Ted (merovingian) wrote,

A friend of mine is a scientist, working at a startup.

"We've got our new product," she told me over a pint of Guiness last night, "It's a time machine, of sorts. It will generate a detailed description of what your life would be like, if you had made the best possible decisions. The report analyzes each decision you could have made differently, and gives a biography of what you'd be like now, if you'd made the decisions. The product is tested and functional, and we've just finished the marketing studies."

"What'd you find?"

"A few people just chuckled and ignored the results, or even learned from the reports. An overwhelming majority angrily denied that the device was accurate. Over the next few weeks, they fell into a state of hopeless depression."

"That's really too bad. I guess you'll be working on a new product, then?" I asked.

"Actually, it's perfect. Our business model is to approach wealthy people and threaten to publish the results unless they pay us. It's the New Extortion Economy."

"Couldn't you just find the worst possible decisions the person could have made, to make them feel better, instead?"

"That's a lot more expensive. This way, we're getting paid to do nothing. It's pure profit."

At that point, I totally insisted that she pay for the drinks.

Did I mention that she's an evil scientist?
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