Ted (merovingian) wrote,

So, I think I've mentioned recently that I've started doing freelance music journalism for a local scene rag. I had my first interview this morning. It was supposed to be an interview with a big independent musician, I thought, but it turns out when I got there, there was just an aubergine.

"So, what are your musical influences?" I asked the purple vegetable. It didn't answer, of course.

"Historically, you have not been to responsive to interviewers. Do you have a negative opinion of the press?" I asked.

"Some people say that your works are too derivative of John Cage's 'Four Minutes and Thirty-Three Seconds.' Do you have a response to your critics?"

"Your work challenges the notion of what music means. First, by being totally silent, but furthermore, by being an aubergine. What's your message?" I asked.

"So, since you're a musician, I assume your record label and the ASCAP are basically screwing you over, and now you're locked in a horrible contract, right? Am I right? Hello?"

"Look, I could just fry you with parmesan and no one would know the difference, so you'd better start answering questions," I said testily.

Still no answer.

Afterwards, I called my editor and said that I think something went wrong.

"No," he said, "That aubergine is the Next Big Thing. Send your interview notes ASAP, and I mean that as a very important acronym, baby. We're gunna break this band. You've put us on the map, Ted. Can't wait to see the interview."
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