"So, what are your musical influences?" I asked the purple vegetable. It didn't answer, of course.
"Historically, you have not been to responsive to interviewers. Do you have a negative opinion of the press?" I asked.
"Some people say that your works are too derivative of John Cage's 'Four Minutes and Thirty-Three Seconds.' Do you have a response to your critics?"
"Your work challenges the notion of what music means. First, by being totally silent, but furthermore, by being an aubergine. What's your message?" I asked.
"So, since you're a musician, I assume your record label and the ASCAP are basically screwing you over, and now you're locked in a horrible contract, right? Am I right? Hello?"
"Look, I could just fry you with parmesan and no one would know the difference, so you'd better start answering questions," I said testily.
Still no answer.
Afterwards, I called my editor and said that I think something went wrong.
"No," he said, "That aubergine is the Next Big Thing. Send your interview notes ASAP, and I mean that as a very important acronym, baby. We're gunna break this band. You've put us on the map, Ted. Can't wait to see the interview."