What do you say to that? It's useless to debate with a monster.
So I nodded and sipped my cola.
It crunched bones in its massive jaws.
"Where was I?" it hissed hungrily. The tone of voice suggested that I could easily be next.
"Ideological reasons," I mumbled. I didn't know what tone of voice would best reduce my chances of being eaten. I was pretty sure it wasn't a mumble, but it's hard to muster a lot of volume when it seems like every choice will get you eaten.
"Thank you," it said, "Yes, ideological reasons."
"Uh, don't tread on me," I mumbled.
Fortunately, it ignored that remark.
"Ideological reasons. Not, mind you, because I'm devoted to monstrosity, and eating people is part of the job. I'm past that. I'm secure in my monsterhood."
I really should make a rule about listening to monologues.
"They were a city council who passed a law requiring that all cars be replaced by steam-powered giant insect machines. I can't allow that kind of inanity," something unwholesome glistened, floating in its eye.
I cleared my throat. It seemed to notice me for the first time. It hissed at me, fangs bared.
In my panic, I stammered out, "I didn't come here to cause any trouble!"
It raised a curious eyebrow. I had its attention, for better or worse.
I didn't know what to say, and the words just fell out of my mouth, "I... Uh, I just came to do the Superbowl Shuffle."
It was the right thing to say. I'm okay now. Who knew?