March 28th, 2001


Response from Buick

To: [email address]
From: [email address]
Subject: Re: 1-AOAZ: Why is this happening to me?

Hello Ted. Thank you for your quick response.

To date, we have found no records of similar cases, and I cannot authorize a refund in a case such as this.

I have forwarded your attached pictures of the so-called "transformation" of your 1996 Buick Century to my manager and our quality-assurance department. However, I have been asked to inform you that the "evidence" you sent is extremely dubious. While there is no doubt that the image appears matches your description of "the slow transformation of a normal automobile into a 19th-century style locomotive, made from pure silver," it has come to our attention that the photographs may be doctored.

At this time, I cannot issue you the refund you have demanded, though, as a personal note, I must add that if indeed your vehicle has changed into pure silver and increased in size, surely its resale value must have increased, with or without the "alpha particle radiation" you report.

I will be setting the status of this entry to "Closed - Top Secret - Suppress Indefinitely - Forwarded to Alchemical Mysteries Department - Eliminate All Witnesses". If you have any questions, please feel to contact me.

Thank you,
Abraham Lincoln
Buick Customer Satisfaction Specialist