August 15th, 2001

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I'm Henry The Ape, I Am

From the desk of the President of the United States, I received the following memo today:

"Please update any instruction booklets you own to include the following federally mandated final step: 'Teach a gorilla to perform the same task for you in the future.'"


Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Teach a gorilla to perform the same task for you.

Lock the target. Paint the line. Spread the net. Catch the man. Teach a gorilla to perform the same task for you.

Ask her out and treat her like a lady. Tell her she's the one you've been dreaming of. Hold in her arms and never let her go. Teach a gorilla to perform the same task for you.

There. I've done my civic duty.