August 17th, 2001


Who Killed Johnny Voodoo?

I just got my first contract this week as crime philosopher for the Sunnyvale PD - I'm the one who takes care of cases where it is mathematically proven that at least one solution is true but unprovable within any formal system. Johnny Voodoo was found dead, and they need to know who to put the cuffs on. I asked them to give me a day to go over the suspects, before I went to the crime scene, so that facts would not taint my conjectures.

WAS IT his ex-wife, the mad but brilliant Doctor Limulus, who swore despite his constant denial that Johnny Voodoo had a secret Spanish galleon, replete with 18th century treasury goodness, stashed away from her?

WAS IT his haiku collection, a structured body of poetry which contained juxtapositions of imagery so complex they evolved into full human sentience, and grew to resent its creator?

WAS IT the U.S. Treasury, driven to the point of murder by Johnny Voodoo's efforts to keep the useless penny in American currency for mystical reasons?

WAS IT Jennings, Johnny's loyal butler, compelled to lethal acts by Johnny Voodoo's own symbolic experiments with genre fiction in popular culture?

WAS IT the Phillippines crime syndicate, enforcing old gambling debts for the "spider-wrestling" matches Johnny swore he'd left behind?

WAS IT the Author, seeking to gain Johnny Voodoo's power and fashion sense through a cross-fictional human sacrifice?

WAS IT Jimmy "The Snail" Rock, seeking revenge from that embarassing salt incident ten years ago?

WAS IT Johnny himself, projecting back in time from a miserable potential future which drove him to erase his own existence?