September 19th, 2008


(no subject)

"Oh!" he said happily, "This is my latest AI project. It's a machine that dislikes you."

It looked like an upside-down trash bin crammed with very organized stacks of motherboards, all wired together with a tangle of red and white wires.

"Dislikes you?" I asked, surprised.

"No, no, just you, Ted. It actually really likes everyone else, just for added contrast in judgment."

I scowled at it.

"Don't worry, it doesn't do anything to you, it just sits there disliking you. Oh oh!" he said, excited, "and this is the new component I'm making that judges all your actions in the most negative light, perpetuating its dislike."

"Why?" I asked, feeling kind of hurt.

"Oh! It's going to be a birthday present for you, for next July. This way you won't have to worry if someone out there disapproves, because you'll always know that this machine disapproves. You'll have greater freedom of action, knowing you can't possibly please everyone!"

I glared at the machine furiously. Screw you, machine, I don't like you either.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said, "I spoiled your birthday surprise, didn't I? I hope you still enjoy it when you get it."