Ted

So, I think I may have mentioned this, but I've been away from LJ for the last few weeks, working on a murder case.

I'm a private detective.

I use single-sentence paragraphs.

For emphasis.

This case has been a funny one. Everyone in the mansion of the deceased has been incredibly rude to me. They bark orders at me then get sullen and hostile when I won't obey them. They refuse to make eye contact, they criticize my outfits for not being formal enough, and they scowl at me all the time.

When I ask them pointed questions about the case, they become instantly hostile and tell me to mind my own business. They tell me I'm out of order looking into this case. I say this whole house is out of order!

And this place is getting filthier and filthier. People can really degenerate after the brutal but mysterious death of a wealthy patriarch.

Up until now, I have been treating everyone as a suspect, since they've all been acting so suspiciously.

But today I made a shocking discovery.

They didn't hire me as a private detective for this case.

It turns out that I was the butler all along.