November 8th, 2009


Snacks on a Plan

My buddy Matt is a movie-to-TV script consultant. He's responsible for writing the non-profanity lines that get dubbed over swear words when they put movies on television. You'd think that in his spare time, he'd either curse up a storm all the time, or maybe he'd constantly be all monkey-fighting this and Monday-to-Friday that.

Neither is true. Mostly Matt talks in a really high-pitched, almost squeaky voice. He swears occasionally but not often.

But Matt and I don't talk about our jobs often. What we like to do is get together on weekends in the mall, and open up a table booth, and tell passersby what utensils would most make them happy.

"You, sir, would be happiest with chopsticks made from finished pine wood," we might say, "and I know it might take a while to learn, but trust us, it'll make you happiest."

Or "you, ma'am, would benefit from a simple set of silver flatware. Antique. I thinka few places in this mall might have them, but I don't know which. Good luck."

Today, somehow, everyone we've met would benefit from a titanium spork. Matt and I are stumped. What does this mean?