Ted (merovingian) wrote,

  • Music:

Do it for the monsters under your bed.

I found my birth certificate today. It is amazing what things you can do with one.

Q: What do I need to do to get a birth certificate?

Be born.

Q: I was hatched, spawned or asexually produced. Can I get one?

No, birth only.

Q: How about a Caesarian birth?

Totally okay. You can get a regular birth certificate.

Q: What if I sprung out from my father's head, fully adult, with arms and armor?

No birth certificate for you.

Q: I am a fictional character, but my fictional origin includes birth. Can I get a birth certificate?

You can get a forged birth certificate, but not a real one.

Q: I am a sixteen word question within an FAQ list; can I get a birth certificate?

Of course not. But you do get an answer. I'm assuming FAQ counts as one word.

Q: How about in vitro fertilization?

That's fine. You still count as being born.

Q: Who makes these rules anyway?

Various nations and governments.

Q: Well, I am a government unto myself. Can I issue my own birth certificate?

Only if you are a legitimate nation. Otherwise you can only issue forgeries.

Q: What determines if my government is legitimate?

Probably the best test of legitimacy is if you can issue birth certificates and they get honored.

Q: What if I was adopted in a closed adoption, or my birth certificate was in a records hall that burned down, or I was born in a culture that doesn't have detailed record-keeping for births?

Then the paperwork may get complicated, but you stll count as being born. Unless you also sprung forth fully adult in arms and armor.

I hope this clears everything up.

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