"Just checking in," I said, "what's new and enlightening?"
He stroked his long, grey, hackneyed beard in thought and answered, "I'm working on a new meditation to duplicate the effects of four glasses of wine. That elusive light-headedness where everything feels romantic and interesting and you're not worried about anything but you're not overexcited or sleepy either, like your life is a very beautiful painting and all you need to do is wave the brush and it'll take shape."
I scowled at the guru.
"I haven't had wine in ten years," he said, "and the thing is, the more you seek that moment, the less you'll have it. Plus I have a lot of alcoholism in my family. Anyway, I'm working on a meditation now for that same feeling without the risks. Come back in six months for progress. I'll probably have a good name for it by then, too - the Four Fermented Scholars Meditation, maybe, or the Sober Drunkard Technique."
"Risky!" I said brightly, and climbed back down. We all need to learn new ways to ease our fears, I suppose.