Ted (merovingian) wrote,

Things have changed a lot in the San Francisco Bay Area since you moved away.

Because housing got so expensive here, we grew a whole bunch of trees and we now all live in treehouses.

Our local 7-Eleven now serves nothing except a special nutrient-enhanced protein honey called szinich; I don't think stores outside the Bay Area even sell it yet.

We now get experience points for doing chores which has led to widespread domestic tranquility.

We don't work with the computers any more; we are the computers. Robot brain go!

We finally got Krispy Kreme donuts, and then we scribed Hebrew characters on the foreheads of the donuts and now they are our walking protectors. We can't see any way that plan could go wrong.

We floss with cobra snakes now. And we don't see any way that could go wrong either.

The roads are paved with furtive necessity. We painted the sky an imperial violet that we blatantly stole from Los Angeles. Our big rival city isn't LA or New York anymore; it's Tanelorn. We taught the squirrels to talk and now we regret it.

We're still not sure what to do about San Jose. Advice is very welcome.

We couldn't decide whether to call those little insects "pillbugs" or "roly-polies" so we asked them to build self-launching satellites instead.

We couldn't decide whether to call it "soda" or "pop" or "coke" so we all just wear very elaborate wigs now, five feet high and supported with aluminum frameworks, all birdhoused and neoned and flowered out.

We don't have any weird artists or rock heroes anymore because they all moved to Sacramento.

In fact, we stopped listening to rock and roll entirely but we still have fond memories. And also we stopped using language except in LJ posts.
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