Ted (merovingian) wrote,

When life gives you tape, make tapenade!

My next door neighbor on the left and my next door neighbor on the right have this feud going on. It started three years ago, when there was a fire in the neighborhood and we all had to leave our houses in the middle of the night. We were all in our pajamas, of course, and my neighbor on the left commented pleasantly on the softness of my other neighbor's pajamas. They talked about it a little and their eyes narrowed and they scowled, but their words stayed sweet. They both were proud of how soft their pajamas were, and they both knew they had met a rival.

Within a half hour, they were insisting that the firefighter judge which pajamas were softer. My left-side neighbor won. I stayed out of the disagreement.

The rivalry kept going. One neighbor bought fancy flannel and the other bought fine silk. They found excuses to show off their latest and softest pajamas. Rabbit furs and custom blends led to world-class designers and chemical engineers. Designers and chemists led to transcranial magnetic stimulators and genetically-enhanced spiders, and on and on: designer psychotropics, military-grade memetics, nanomolecules, complex mathematics, virtual fabrics, parallel realities, pocket universes and picomolecular anti-matter. Each raced further ahead to have softer pajamas than the other, pouring all their time, wits and finances into softer and softer pajamas.

Pajamas so impossibly snuggly-soft that they threaten the very fiber of our universe, and here I am at ground zero.

Something must be done!
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