Ted (merovingian) wrote,

Okay, let me set the rumors to rest. The masked man who has been planting kudzu and blackberries around town is not me. Yes, I have spoken out against the so-called "tulip boom." Yes, I have said that it is the final financial trap for Generation X, already twice-damned by the VC-flooded dotcom rise-and-crash and the traunch-flooded ARL house rise-and-crash. Yes, I agree with this nameless vigilante, in theory, that the tulip-speculation "market" is irresponsible and dangerous, and that something must be done.

However, I'm on record (many times) as saying that the solution to this is education, competitive markets, and enforcement of existing laws. I am opposed to attempts to disrupt the tulip trade with robust "pest species." I do not agree with these tulip-killing methods.

Skeptics among you have demanded proof, and I find these petulant demands offensive and mistargeted. It is injust that I even need to do this, but I will see this nonsense put to rest. I offer incontrovertible proof:

  • This masked man wears a red mask.
  • I wear blue jeans.
  • Anyone who tried to wear a red mask with blue jeans would be far too tacky to commit such stylish crimes.

There. Now that my innocence is proven beyond any sane doubt, let me say this: I predict that if tulip-speculators continue their irresponsible ways and endanger the fragile finances of my generation, this masked man — who is not me — will probably flood their precious greenhouses with tulip-eating butterflies, or something of the sort. Possibly about fifty thousand trained Blue Morphos.

Of course I do not condone such a crime, no matter how well-justified. Ending the cynical and corrupt "tulip boom" before it gets big enough to cause harm is a noble goal. However, I only condone accomplishing this goal through peaceful means, not the unethical yet fabulous methods of this stylish vigilante. I'm merely making predictions here.

I'm glad we could clear this up.
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