Ted (merovingian) wrote,


Here are some things that make me nervous:

  • My neighbors' baby. She's not actually my neighbors' progeny; she's their great-great-great-great-great-great-great aunt, but as long as she gets kissed by the winning U.S. President while on the campaign trail every four years, she doesn't age. Her family has discovered the fountain of eternal youth, but only in infant form. (Before you ask, let me tell you this: the family doesn't answer questions about recent elections.)

  • Tap water around the globe. Every big city puts tiny, tiny loyal robots in their tap water, and when you mix tap water from different towns, they fight. All we see is the water bubbling and becoming suddenly water. (Before you ask, let me tell you this: I don't know what the loyal robots do besides fight competing tap water.)

  • Tulip mania. There was a boom of tulip speculation and market manipulation and government tampering and "innovative" financial laws. Historical significance and metaphorical strength has brought some of those original tulips back to life, and they're sentient. (Before you ask, let me tell you this: I don't know if those tulips are friendly or hostile, and once again I am not that masked vigilante.)

  • The candiru. Why do these horrible things even exist? (Before you ask, let me tell you this: I just don't want to talk about it.)

  • eBay ratings. Everyone who does business on eBay gets a rating for how much business they've done and how well. Very high ratings are important. People with very high ratings can ignore laws. People with very, very high ratings can ignore the laws of reality. (Before you ask, let me tell you this: I am hungry for a really good warm soup, and you cannot buy this on eBay.)

  • Lubbock, Texas. The city of Lubbock is unique because it has competing electric companies. This dates back to 1908 or so when the electric company delayed setting up cables for years, and so the town just founded their own. Over the years companies have come and gone, but they're still competing, and today there are two electric companies and they're both cheaper and better-serviced than anywhere else. The creepy thing is that the statue of Buddy Holly back in Lubbock sometimes comes to life and brags about it. (Before you ask, let me tell you this: You need a cricket to talk to the statue.)

  • The Zog-economy. It has totally stagnated, probably because I haven't updated it for a long time. (Before you ask, let me tell you this: I'll get around to it, honest.)

  • Walking-stick bugs. (Go ahead and ask.)
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