Ted (merovingian) wrote,

I'm sure you've all heard of phantom limb syndrome - a condition where a person with a recent amputation will still feel lost extremities. Human proprioception is unconscious and it takes a while to catch up with changes in the body.

Well, I had something like that this morning, but for limbs I've never had. I woke up grumpy and tried to destroy my alarm clock with my hulking pincer-claws, but they didn't exist. I couldn't drive because I kept thinking I had little whip-like tendrils to shift gears and work the stereo and I got so distracted by it that I had to park and take the bus. At work, I found out that my body expected to have a ten foot prehensile tail with agile nodules at the end, capable of typing on a keyboard far more quickly and elegantly than my two hands so clearly designed for other tricks.

I got worried, so I called a nurse's hotline.

"Don't worry," she said, "That's just your alien DNA kicking in. It usually happens a few weeks before the 35th birthday."

Far too often, "don't worry" is the least comforting thing you can possibly hear.

Anyone else know about this? Should I be worried? Am I going to get a typing-tail or not?
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.