Ted (merovingian) wrote,

I woke up this morning with ostrich claws instead of feet. Big sharp talons, big enough that I can grab my own head with them. A ruffle of grey feathers around my upper calves where they start. I don't rhink I'll need to wear shoes any more.

I'm pretty happy with them, but they almost tripped me up this morning.

A man was lingering at the local café this morning, watching me. Then he noticed my feet and looked away.

"Yeah, they're new," I said with a smile, "I don't exactly know how it happened."

"No," he said sadly, "they're very nice. I just thought you were someone else. Someone without crazy bird feet."

"Oh, I just got them!" I said, flexing and splaying them proudly.

"Oh!" he said, suddenly interested. "Then you are probably the man I want."

He handed me a ten dollar bill, all rolled up and crumpled and ratty. "Read it," he said, when I looked confused. So I did. Someone had written on it: TOM DIAZ. I AM STILL ALIVE. PLEASE COME FIND ME. -LUANN. 5/10/2006.

"That's my daughter, LUANN" he said. "I lost her in the 80s in a disaster, and then I found this. The detectives couldn't help me, but now I think I can find her."

"Oh! Good luck! But, uh... what does it have to do with me?"

"Eight months ago, you bought a book at a yard sale around the corner from here, and you spent this ten dollar bill to get the book. The book was Leaving Things Undone: A Stressful Guide to Indolence. Do you remember?"

"Oh yeah!" I said, wiggling my talons with interest, "That was a good book."

"Where did you get that ten dollar bill?" he asked, "I need to trace it back to my daughter."

"Oh, gosh, I don't even remember looking at it," I said, "I'm really sorry. I could tell you where I usually spend my money, and maybe you could--"

"No," he said, "that's okay. I can teach you the secrets of perfect memory, and then you can remember and tell me. It only takes about three months, full time. I own a big trucking company now. I can pay for your lessons, and your rent and expenses too, while you learn. I already did it once, with the guy who sold you the book. He moved to New Hampshire afterward, which is why he was having the yard sale, and he forgot having the money, too, but I found a way to teach him to remember, and that's how I found you. We'll do the same."

Inconvenient, maybe, but I have to step up, you know? Otherwise I wouldn't deserve these crazy feet.

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