Ted (merovingian) wrote,
Ted
merovingian

Here's what I know about the Christmas-Tree Monster so far:

1. It likes decorations very much, but not enough to stop it from gobbling people up.
2. It gobbles people up.
3. It is not harmed by the pool cue, the fire extinguisher, the hypodermic needle, or Canister of Zgwortz.
4. It is enraged by beloved holiday hits by Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin.
5. It comes from Pasadena and has a B.A. in Communications from Pomona.
6. It is temporally real but transcendentally ideal.
7. It can teleport between creche scenes at will, but is repelled by the caganer.
8. When you look into your own reflection in the ornaments, you see M.C. Escher's image instead of your own.
9. It requires Internet Explorer version 7.0 or later.
10. There is a nice surprise of orange and exotic spice (mostly cinnamon) on the nose. In your mouth, the tannins are abundant but not too astringent (think 'pleasantly chewy'), and the sting of all that alcohol is kept mostly in check by a mix of vanilla and chocolate flavors.
11. It is always less afraid of you than you are of it, but I'm not sure by how much. Being very, very afraid of it may make it more likely that it will run away in fear.

If you find out more please let me know.
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