1. If you're reading this on LiveJournal, please print out a copy of this entry and post it on a bulletin board, family refrigerator, or other accepted public-posting area.
2. If you're reading this on a bulletin board, family refrigerator, or similar site, please fold this post into a paper airplane. Then, please go to the top of a really high building and toss this paper airplane off the edge.
3. If you find this paper airplane discarded on the ground somewhere, I apologize for the littering. Please give this folded-up paper airplane to someone with whom you've had conflict, as a gesture of peace and openness.
4. If you've received this probably-dirty folded sheet of paper from someone as a gesture of peace, I assure you that it's not any kind of passive-aggressive maneuver or clever slight. The gesture of peace is quite genuine and I hope you can both reach out and try to share some generosity from your beauitful hearts. Sometimes that's hard, and you do risk getting hurt, but without taking those kinds of risks, we can never really settle our lives into something truly whole and joyous.
5. Oh, also, um, I hate to be a mooch at a special moment like this, but I'm trying to turn this post into an oak tree, so if you get this sheet of paper as a gesture of peace, could you please go to the nearest ocean and toss it in? Thanks.
6. If you find this sheet of paper in the ocean, I apologize for the littering. Please give this soggy piece of paper to a Nomura's jellyfish and also please teach that Nomura's jellyfish how to read.
7. If you are a Nomura's jellyfish and your literacy tutor just gave you this sheet of paper, please take it deep down within the ocean to the Lost City of Nomura, deep beneath the ocean, five hundred miles off the coast of Japan, and give it to one of the robots there. The robot will probably vaporize you. I apologize for that.
8. If you are a guard robot of the Lost City of Nomura, I apologize for the intrusion upon your serene and perfect fallen civilization. Please reactivate your Biomagical Overlords and give them this note.
9. If you are a Biomagical Overlord, please rise from your watery coffin and return to dry land, preferably near San Francisco. Also, please bring this sheet of paper with you and use your Biomagical Incantations to change this piece of paper into a viable oak acorn.
10. Also, please give that acorn to a hair stylist. Don't worry, San Francisco has a lot of really good hair stylists.
11. If you are a hair stylist, and some kind of terrifying magical sea creature just gave you this text in the form of an acorn, I apologize for the rise of the dreaded Biomancer Overlords. It's part of an important project to change my LiveJournal post into an oak tree. Please plant this acorn someplace with fertile soil and plenty of sun.
Thanks again for your help, everyone!
EDIT: Oh yeah, let's not let this become a Craig Shergold thing, okay? If you see this message in paper form after July 2009, please dispose of it in the nearest receptacle. (You don't need to dispose of electronic copies or acorns, though.)