The first secret is about that old hollow log in the ugly vacant lot behind your old house. You remember that vacant lot? The children used to play baseball back there. For a while, we were using that old log as a bench, until someone made the mistake of looking inside. Did you ever go out there to that lot and look inside the log? If you did, this wouldn't be such a secret, I suppose. It's stuffed full of creepy old marionettes, and big grumpy scorpions, too, nesting in the rotting arms and legs of the puppets. Who would do such a thing? What would they have to gain?
The second secret is this: It was old man robot Jonkins who did it. He was sick of the noise of the kids playing baseball in the neighboring vacant lot. He liked to keep real estate prices cheap around him, so he could buy up the land for himself and get privacy.
Those marionettes were awfully creepy, weren't they.
The third secret is the most embarrassing. I kept one of those marionettes - I grabbed some gloves and a grabber-stick and a bag and I extracted a marionette carefully. I brushed off the scorpions with a stick and washed off the marionette with bleach and lye and rosewater, and then I apologized to the marionette and started a funny puppet show act with it, and it did so well that the marionette is now CEO of a cozy little software company up in Walnut Creek, successful but none too ambitious, just like my marionette.
Please keep my secrets safe, 'kay?