Ted (merovingian) wrote,

Laser Beer

My friend Horace the Alien keeps sending me recipes from alien cookbooks. He says that they all feel very guilty about the whole How to Serve Man thing, and he insists that it was totally just a printing error. Most of the recipes are neither appetizing nor comprehensible -- the schnibitz and froth sounds atrocious, and I don't even want to conjecture about the 7015536-grokslom. One recipe so far sounds really good, however. I haven't tried it yet, because I rarely try recipes before posting them here, and because I don't think it's entirely possible without some specialized equipment, such as hertzigweisers and nuclear fålsquats. Nonetheless, here's the recipe for laser beer. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do.

Laser Beer

10 unwilling cockatiels, alive
6 finkblasters, purple
2 finkblasters, grey
22lbs. space-hops, radiation-free, unmalted
1 tsp. salt
50 gallons deuterium water
5 branches synthesized eucalyptus
1 cup of tea (for the brewer)
1 cup of nuclear tea (for the fålsquatmaster)

Schneddate cockatiels, then release. At least 300 miles away from schneddation site, in separate bowl, mix finkblasters with space-hops and ruminate blandly over ingredients for 6 hours. After 6 hours, when all finkblasters are golden brown, engage all 8 finkblasters at a merciless speed. Filter salt through hertzigweiser until you forgot why you even were bothering. In a separate moment, begin to drink tea. (The fålsquatmaster will catch up with you in chronology in due course; don't worry about her.) Sprinkle deuterium water over synthetic eucalyptus until it becomes real. Shake. Combine all ingredients in nuclear fålsquat and bake (in violation of Intergalactic Laser Peace Treaties) until remorseful.

(Thanks to Betty Baker, who assisted in writing.)

Drink frozen. Serves seven cockatiels. But not like that.

Originally posted to my new DreamWidth recipe journal. You can comment there using your LiveJournal ID and password, thanks to the spooky Internet magic of OpenID.

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