Ted (merovingian) wrote,

Vuvuzela Stew

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I mistranslated that old Hippocrates quote about letting your food be your doctor and your doctor be your food, which led to some awkward hijinx. I won't trouble you with the details, but I will tell you this: while I was in the middle of those hijinx, a mysterious woman offered me this recipe for Vuvuzela Stew.

Vuvuzela Stew

One (1) vuvuzela, assembled
2 gallons concentrated lye
2 gallons concentrated (18M) hydrochloric acid
Five (5) large brown potatoes
Six (6) large orange carrots
Zero (0) large purple eggplants
Vegetable stock
Salt and pepper to taste

Taste salt and pepper. Flavorful, no? Then throw them out over your left shoulder. While taste of salt and pepper is still in mouth, immerse vuvuzela in lye until it breaks down into a high alkali plasticky sludge. Titrate with hydrochloric acid until safe to consume. Chop potatoes, carrots, and lack of eggplants together and add to stew. Heat in a disproportionately huge saucepan until you realize what a terrible idea this is. Wish you had realized it before the whole titration thing. Throw away all ingredients and go get someone else to make you a tasty stew. Name that stew vuvuzela stew instead, after the stew you almost finished making. Giggle about the word vuvuzela over this new and more palatable stew.

Serves seven people and one angry parrot.

Originally posted to my new DreamWidth recipe journal. You can comment there using your LiveJournal ID and password, thanks to the spooky Internet magic of OpenID.

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