Ted (merovingian) wrote,

The Shark of Possibility

This recipe was received to me by my Kung Fu mentor moments before he died. Use it honorably.

1 great white shark, whole, fresh, that killed your Kung Fu mentor, dishonorably

Dress and clean great white shark. Dice into cubes, each about one and a half inches on a side. Boil one cube in water with a dash of olive oil. Roast one cube at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 25 minutes. Roast another cube at 176 degrees Celsius for 25 minutes. Deep fry one cube in peanut oil. Steam one cube until cooked thoroughly. Grill one cube. Microwave one cube on high for 6 minutes until cooked all the way through. Add one cube into vegetable stock at a rolling boil then reduce temperature and cover, simmering for 25 minutes. Bread one cube in herb crumbs and deep fry in canola oil, flipping when bootom is golden brown, and then cool on a paper towel and then devour. Wrap one cube in banana leaves and bury with hot smouldering coals until cooked all the way through. Slow-cook one cube in a hot crockpot for 8 hours until tender and thoroughly cooked. Wrap one cube in hot steamy action and bury with hot smouldering love until cooked all the way through. Grill another cube. Soak a cube in lye until it cooks chemically, lutefisk style. Place once cube at the focal point of a parabolic mirror and cook under the hot sun for three hours. Laser-cook one cube until cooked all the way through. Place one cube underneath a thin slab of magnesium and ignite, allowing cube to cook thoroughly. Roast one cube over a campfire as you sing folk songs and tell ghost stories. Drop one cube down from medium-high orbit, at just the right altitude that air friction cooks the cube in orbit without completely burning shark meat. Place one cube at the horizon point of a nuclear blast such that it cooks all the way through, then refrigerate for forty years until cube matches background radiation levels and is safe to eat. Flash-fry one cube in very hot corn oil. Cook one cube in a steamer one in a double-boiler, and one in a Dutch oven triple-boiler. Drop one in a toaster oven, and another in a convection over, and another just at the edge of an incinerator. Cook one in one, another in beer, and another in spicy tomato juice. Stuff one into a grilled turkey and another into a garlic wrap and put both in an oven. Electrocute one cube until it's well-cooked, then add salt and pepper.

How many cubes are left at this point? Those ones become sashimi, I guess.

Place a toothpick in each cube and serve on a single enormous silver tray, carried by thirty friends. Encourage people to eat only one cube each and to compare whose is better..

Serves an unknown number of people but hopefully at least thirty. Or one shark. Because sharks are like that. Don't judge.

Oh, wait, but do judge one cube of shark meat. Judge it hard. Judge it with a burning intensity until it cooks all the way through. That's right, judgment-cook it. Add that one on to the tray too.

Thank you.

Originally posted to my new DreamWidth recipe journal. You can comment there using your LiveJournal ID and password, thanks to the spooky Internet magic of OpenID.

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