"Let's see," the judge said, "Your birthday is July 7. That means you're a Cancer, so you're emotional, thoughtful, reserved, moody, and tend to stay at home. Clearly you're not astrologically capable of this kind of recklessness. Case dismissed!"
"Wait!" I protested, "I'm actually a human with a full range of human emotions."
The judge looked at my skeptically, "Do you want the case reopened then?"
I sighed heavily, "No, Your Honor. Thanks, I guess."
"If you were accused of, say, writing a dystopia where someone else's theories were implemented in the worst way possible, I may consider you capable of the crime. But certainly not speeding."
This seems like terrible epistemology to me, but whatever gets you out of a speeding ticket, right?
The Bailiff says that every Scorpio gets convicted of everything.