Oh, wait, I do have a time machine. And I did try to go back and convince Ben not to do it. He just kept asking about the time machine, how does it work, why am I using it for such a stupid purpose, what happens in the future and so on. The conversation got bogged down. Damn past-dwelling yokels.
Speaking of time travel, though, a curious thing happened to me. While I was adjusting my computer's time settings for daylight savings, I accidentally changed the year to one hundred years into the future. I mailed something to myself, and got back a response.
Here's the whole email conversation:
Time/Date: 09:32AM 8 April 2102
Be sure to buy and eat lots and lots of phó today, like you do every day.
Time/Date: 09:41AM 8 April 2102
Sub: RE: Reminder
What? I stopped eating phó when I got a robot body back in 2037. Now I just hyperintelligently autofulfill the things about phó I found so compelling.
Who is this? Is this that time I accidentally emailed myself in the future? Yow, I forgot what I said back then. I hope I don't get it wrong. What a responsibility!
Time/Date: 10:01AM 8 April 2102
Sub: RE: Reminder
Is this me from the future? is this some kind of joke? Does my mail program have a feature I'm unaware of?
Wow! Me from the future! I have so many questions for you!
How does this work? Are you using this time travel for a good reason? What happens in the future?
Time/Date: 12:51PM 8 April 2102
Sub: RE: It embarasses me that I was ever such a yokel (Was RE: Reminder)
Let's keep this brief. I have two things to say.
THING NUMBER ONE:
Your 21st century science fiction sucks. Since it's fiction and people want it to be exciting, there's always stories of the technology going horribly awry, which makes people assume that artificial intelligences are going to turn against the populace, and that genetic engineering will result in superdiseases or bizarro caste systems, or whatever. Our 'futuristic' technology is not constantly turning nightmarish and attacking us, and artificial intelligences are still struggling for public acceptance because of these malign portrayals. I know that the 21st century was just trying to create a compelling story while being speculative, but it's causing a lot of social problems today, so CUT IT OUT.
THING NUMBER TWO:
Please do not email me again.
Man, it's horrible to find out that in the future, I'm such a jerk!