Ted (merovingian) wrote,

Steaming Mad!

I sent the following email to the LiveJournal staff:


Three users have recently removed me from their friends list: {names deleted}. Clearly, they were specifically doing so to make me feel excluded and ostracized. This type of behavior is thoroughly unacceptable and violates the terms of LiveJournal's user policies. I demand that these users be forced to add me to their friends lists, and behave very sweetly toward me, and confide in me as their special trusted friend, or that their accounts be removed!


I received the following automated response five seconds later:


Dear merovingian,

Enclosed are instructions on "What to do when someone removes you from their friends list" from our Secret FAQ:

1. Immediately hide under a table, desk, doorway or other sturdy shelter.
2. For the next six years, put a one quart of salt in every meal you eat.
3. Download our source code, and modify it to include a Disinterests List and an Enemies List. Create a variant of LiveJournal which uses these features to poignantly rebuke your aggressor.
4. Buy thousands of tons of fine, soft silk strands. Become entangled in them.
5. Glue toothpicks to yourself, facing outward, and declare yourself "Invincibile Spikeperson."
6. Raise pelicans.


Boy, nothing makes me angrier than automated pelican advice.

So, to calm myself, I'm going to go to a pizza restaurant that delivers, pretend to be a delivery person, grab pizzas, and deliver them, pretending to be the pizza guy. I'll then donate the tip money to the Institute for Justice.

Or maybe I'll just go have a pizza.
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