Ted (merovingian) wrote,
Ted
merovingian

Powdered Everything

I worked late today, and wound up talking with the janitor, Jorge. Definitely an enlightening experience.

Turns out, he's an immigrant. He was born and raised in Sports Video Game World, and worked for years there as a janitor. Turns out, the job market in Sports Video Game World is pretty harsh - if you can't jump fifteen feet in the air, or drive with superhuman reflexes, or play football tirelessly for twelve hours straight, there aren't many options.

"You can be a ref," says Jorge, "But they only need so many of them. Most people ended up working in cleanup, or setup. There's no other industries, really."

Jorge didn't like his job much there. The surf competitions were fun, he said, because of all the sunbathing beauties. It was also fun, Jorge said, when an athlete would leave a Speed Boost or Super-Jump Power-Up behind; if the manager wasn't looking, it was often fun to grab it just before break. But, for the most part, the job was grueling and unrewarding. Jorge worked for a long time sweeping up the glass on shattered basketball boards, which wasn't pleasant. He also did a lot of work picking up confetti.

"The worst part was cleaning up the corpses in the auto races," Jorge told me, half-sad, half-angry, "Why do they have to be so self-destructive? It is even worse when they run each other off the road. These drivers, they are merciless. One time, one of them, in a monster truck, deliberately swerved off the course and ran me over. I thought I was dead, but then I saw a grey light and heard a chime, and found myself back at the entrance of the stadium, but my bank account was suddenly empty. That took a lot out of me. That was when I decided to move to America."

Jorge doesn't like the athletes much, either. He thinks they waste their talent. So many of them, he says, can change their course in midair, or do a triple backflip, but somehow, they waste their talents.

"I saw a new skier once," says Jorge, "He was incredibly strong and fast, but I think he had nerve damage or something. He kept turning around and falling flat on his face at every turn. Then, when he needed to jump, he would always press his poles down instead. Why would he do that? Doesn't he know the difference between jumping and using his poles? He should have spent more time training, and maybe less taking whatever drugs he was taking."

The worst part about it was that there was so little to do. The only entertainment was to go watch sports games, but after a long day working, he was hardly interested in standing there making a single repetetive cheering motion and being part of a crowd sound, and tickets were expensive, anyway.

He loves it here in the U.S. He says it's so peaceful.

Poll #47518 How much did you learn?

How much freedom would you be willing to give up for incredible strength, superior speed, a lifetime of gorgeous vistas, and the option of immortality?

None
12(46.2%)
A little
11(42.3%)
A good amount
2(7.7%)
A lot
1(3.8%)
Any amount needed
0(0.0%)

Hey...

Do you consider yourself an idealist?
17(100.0%)

What's the most tiresome, stupid superpower?

Which of the following should be an Olympic sport?

Custodial Work
0(0.0%)
Immigration
5(20.8%)
Nerve Damage
3(12.5%)
Repetitive Cheering Motions
8(33.3%)
Some kind of sporty thing
0(0.0%)
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