Ted (merovingian) wrote,

Cake Emergency

I went to this bakery at the edge of town to buy a birthday cake.

While I was driving home, I heard a voice from the cake box. I opened up the box, and the cake was talking, layers flapping like a mouth, frosting contorted to look a little bit like a face. "Hey, thanks, mister!" said the cake, enthusiastically.

I stared in horror and, with my concentration blown, I crashed my car. When I recovered consciousness, the emergency services people were eating the cake. I guess all cake must be eaten in its time.

I was going to shout at the emergency workers for eating the talking cake, but before I could, one of them said something that caught my interest and distracted me. "Well, everyone wants a privatized police force, the only question is, how to get into the market? I have an idea for that."

Groggy and blurry-eyed, I blurted out, "What's your plan?"

"Dreams. Currently, they're totally unregulated. No security whatsoever. That's where my service comes in. You can hire a private security patrol, authorize them to have law enforcement powers while in your dreams, and you can sleep secure. If, for instance, you're in yourold middle school, naked, and you're being chased by a herd of angry bulls, who are specifically angry at you because you stole their eggs, wouldn't you want the safety and security of knowing that there are patrols present for your safety and protection?"

"Uh, how does that work?" I asked, but the guy just ignored me.

"Of course, you have to abide by good behavior yourself, then. If, for instance, you were dreaming that you were in a cafe and just started beating people up, then you'll get caught and arrested, and probably spend a few months dreaming of lengthy and expensive court proceedings, then end up either dreaming of being in jail for a long time, or, if you're innocent, dreaming of returning to society, rehabilitated."

"Sounds like a lot of boring recurring dreams to me," I said to the emergency worker. Then I passed out.

When I woke up, I was surrounded by talking cakes. They were chattering away, not seeming to notice me much. I asked one of them if I could borrow her laptop to update my journal, because I figured you'd all want to know.

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