Ted (merovingian) wrote,

You Must Drive The First Day After Your Car Accident

Today, I was having lunch with Harlan Ellison.

Actually, that's a lie. I was having lunch with a stand-up cardboard picture of Harlan Ellison.

We went to a posh little lunch club with sidewalk tables, downtown. It took some convincing to get the staff to give me a table for two, and a lot of folding to get Harlan to sit.

Harlan didn't order anything. I ordered a habanero TVP sandwich - because I'm down with TVP, yeah, you know me - and a glass of lemonade with a microchip in it. I was really thirsty and just threw back the drink immediately when it was served.

I started choking. Someone had put a microchip in it! Gack!

I was carted to the hospital. I sat in a chair and was given cranberry juice.

Then, a doctor roamed by, and leaned it. "What's your name?" he asked hastily.

"Ted," I said.

He shook his head. "Nope."

I'd assumed he'd decided he was in the wrong room, but then he continued, "Nope, I'm going to have to change that. Your new name is Carlos Infinite-Candles Rust-Juice Delarios Jackson Forever. Here's your new I.D. I'll inform your employers."

That's when my stand-up cardboard Harlan Ellison lept into action!

Poll #61361 I blacked out. Please tell me what happened.

My flat imitation lunch companion lept up and...


...and we lived happily ever after.
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