As a natural result, I decided to try to find out more about making a profession as a writer. The best way, I imagined, was to become a ghost writer.
I visited a professional ghost writer in her hospital bed. She'd just broken her leg falling. "Don't do it," she said, "It's a death trap."
"Do you know what the King of the Bean is?" she asked. I nodded and she continued, "A person becomes a King because everyone calls them King. Then they can be sacrificed like a King. There's a similar idea with 'Voodoo dolls.' The doll becomes the person because you put that person's hair in it and treat the doll like the person, so anything you do to the doll happens to the person."
Why is it that whenever I try to do the kind of day-to-day things one might put into a journal, I always end up listening to an extended expository on someone's crackpot theory? Do I act like I want to hear this? I guess so. Drat.
She continued, ignoring the 'Do I act like I want to hear this? I guess so. Drat.' expression on my face and rolling forward with her speech, "That's what a ghost writer does. Celebrities are in the public eye, and they attract the attention of a lot of crazy people. Some of the crazy people cast love spells, or bad luck spells, or whatever. So, to protect themselves, they get ghost writers. I wrote whole books claiming to be someone else. They they paid me for that assumption of identity, which means, when I accepted the money, I accepted the responsibility. Sorcerously speaking, I am all of those celebrities to the public eye. I'm a mystic body shield for all those spells. That's how I broke my leg, you know."
"From a spell?"
"Well, I fell down the stairs, but it's the same principle."
I cannot even begin to conjecture what principle that may be. Does anyone have any principles? I need help.