Ted (merovingian) wrote,

The Great Depression

Back in 1934, before I got a job in the time-travel LiveJournalling market (1), I was working as a security guard in the local spice factory. The '31 spice riots left the whole industry paranoid, and, even though the original cause for the tension had died down (3), no spice factory wanted to go without security, so I had a job that, while unglamorous, paid money for me to do no work whatsoever.

I spent my time mostly on the phone with people from around the world (6) to pass the time.

On a sunny Thursday, two women approached the factory entrance with about fifty Vietnamese potbellied pigs (8). They had a search warrant and insisted on being allowed into the building. I let them in, of course, and the pigs ate everything. I lost my job that day and looked for a new career.

(1) It's 1934 for me now. Authentic anachronistic LiveJournals are, or, rather, will be, in high demand in the year 2520.

(2) This type of cotton was used in a similar manner as alpha stimulators are used today.

(3) In '31, the United States briefly switched over to the Jacobin or French Revolutionary Calendar, which is modeled on pure reason. The exceptionally short weekends were very unpopular, and somehow a rumor spread that spice manufacturers had been behind the change in order to increase sales. so far, there has been no evidence to this rumor.

(4) Except on Boxing Day, when it was considered to be an act of friendliness. For more information, see Frank Chu's excellent piece, GUILTED.

(5) The Army has conducted studies on non-competitive states, with very freedom-affirming, though possibly depressing, results.

(6) A common security guard pastime in '34 was "hobby-horsing," which involved calling people from around the world and attempting to learn as much of their language as possible within an hour.

(7) This occurred regularly in every city except New York and was regarded as a sign of good health.

(8) Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs are similar to those you all know in 2002, but were at the time fed nothing but pho.

Based on all this, you should be able to deduce the answer to my logic-puzzle style question: What color hat was I wearing?
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