Ted (merovingian) wrote,
Ted
merovingian

The Festival of Secrets, an American Cypto-Holiday

You may have noticed you were having headaches yesterday. You may even have noticed you were having dehydration headaches. (I sure was.)

Three out of six billion people worldwide had dehydration headaches the past weekend. If you check in the news, you can confirm it. Somehow, water was being sucked out of human bodies wildly. Replenish and something sucks it away again.

What was it, you may ask? I don't know, but I do have a theory.

It's been said that the real purpose of Christmas has been subverted into a consumer affair. People are expected to buy one another gifts, and this means a wild boost in spending.

While spending certainly goes up, the true purpose is something quite different. December Twenty-Third is the Festival of Secrets.

Throughout Christendom, people have purchased gifts for another another. These gifts are generally purchased during December, and given sometime on the twenty-fourth or twenty-fifth. In-between, they keep the nature of those gifts a secret. Even candid people suddenly find themselves keeping ten or twenty secrets.

Which means that on the twenty-third (always the 23rd!), the number of secrets in the world hits a peak.

What's happening with all of these secrets? Is anyone harvesting the occult power of this secrecy? How does this relate to the sudden spike in dehydration, which occurred worldwide, even in places where Christmas isn't celebrated?

Unfortunately, I can't tell you. It's a secret.
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