Ted (merovingian) wrote,

Automatic Songwriting

I was at a posh electronics boutique and saw an ungainly concrete slab for sale at an inflated -- nay, enormous -- price. The salesfolk didn't know a thing about it, so I tried it out.

I rested my fly new Sidekick on top of it and started to type, checking out if it was ergonomic.

Amazingly, I was put into communication with none other than Prince. Somehow, the concrete slab was a magical Prince-contactor.

Here's a quick log of our conversation.

merovingian: Hi Prince.
die4u: hi
merovingian: I have a few questions for you. You have time?
die4u: ok brb
merovingian: Um, okay, I can wait. The salestribe is watching me funny, though.
die4u: back
die4u: sup
merovingian: Well, what's with all the name changes? First you take the stage name "Prince" and then you go to a weird symbol. Isn't that excessive?
die4u: no
die4u: prince is my real first name i was named after the prince rogers trio my birth certificate sez prince rogers nelson i come from a music family
merovingian: Okay, that's fair. But the symbol is still kind of pretentious, you have to admit.
die4u: lol
die4u: i did that 2 get out of a record contract i hated y record company
merovingian: Huh. Why not just go by another name?
die4u: that male-female symbol is supposed 2 b pronounced "Prince"
die4u: but the tv shows decided 2 make it a joke
die4u: oh well
merovingian: Fair enough, I guess. Last pretense, then. In all your written words, you insist on an awkward proto-l33t-speak. Even when you wrote a song for Sinead O'Connor, it had numbers and single letters in the title. Is there a message you're trying to communicate with that, or is it just quirky personal style.
die4u: i did that 4 u i wanted it 2 b like that
die4u: ill tell u y

Then the line got disconnected. When I reconnected, I walk talking to someone else.

imok: i m n a l-f-8-r
merovingian: You are in an elevator?
imok: s i m
imok: r u o k?
merovingian: I'm fine, thanks.
imok: f u n e x?
merovingian: Yes, I have eggs.
imok: f u n e m?
merovingian: Sure. Why?
imok: l f m n x
merovingian: I'm not going to serve you breakfast. Where is Prince?
imok: e s 2 b-z 4 u
merovingian: I guess he does have a celebrity schedule.
imok: c d b? d b s a b-z b
merovingian: Right. Thanks.
merovingian: Hey hold on! Is this William Steig?
imok: s i m

Then he disconnected too. I decided to end it there. I didn't want to get someone using corporate acronyms next.

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