Ted (merovingian) wrote,


In the four corners of my cottage are four statues: Sid Vicious, Teddy Roosevelt, Dr. Teeth and Genghis Khan.

My statue of Sid Vicious is made of wax and it's a perfect replica. Inside the wax is a tape recorder that says "Welcome to the Hall of Presidents, lamest Disneyland ride ever." When the tape recorder runs out of batteries, I'll have to dig it out, and then it'll be a statue of Sid Vicious disemboweled. Sid Vicious goes in the northeast corner.

My statue of Teddy Roosevelt goes in the southeast corner. The stone is chipped away from Mount Rushmore. Back in the 40's, I tried to write "Ein Sof" on its forehead in Hebrew to bring it back to life. I just ended up bruising my thumb. But at least it didn't destroy Prague, which is good because I've never been there. One time, the real Teddy Roosevelt was giving a speech, and a book in his front shirt pocket stopped a bullet from kiling him. He finished the speech before going to the hospital. I like to think that my statue isn't silent - he's just giving a speech very slowly.

Dr. Teeth stands in the southwest corner, opposite Sid. They represent opposing musical styles (though they were both fond of children). He's made of animatronic muppetry. I wanted to program him to be able to greet people, and, like, play cool music, but, in fact, he spends most of his time lobbying for fictional character rights. Apparently there was a period in Chicago where fictional characters got to vote. Dr. Teeth understands that northern lights affect us, but he keeps it underneath his hat.

Genghis Khan's statue is made from an unknown meteoric compound. The compound is heavier than any known metal and is impossible to work, so the statue is actually more of a misshapen lump. The real Genghis Khan was perhaps one of the most religiously tolerant barbarians in history. He did not tax Christian monks, and generally welcomed religious debate. He was curious about new gods, and new philosophies, and especially about how to gain magical power from them. I'd like to think that the statue represents a balance between enlightenment and aggressiveness, but he actually looks more like a potato.

It's too bad I don't have a five-cornered room. I'd put you in the fifth corner.
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